Maggie and Fred joined us as well, and we so enjoyed having them. We had a ton of laughs and very much fun.
Grandpa Doug stayed in town all week, so Murray finally was able to spend some time with him. They were hilarious together.
Unfortunately, my memory card was out of space on Christmas Eve at the Beckerleg's, so I have 2 picture which aren't very good. We do have good video though.
We were all truly blessed; though the holiday brought much grief (due to missing my mom immensely and the passing of our fellow blogger/mommy friend, Emilie) we felt joy as well. 'Tis the reason for the season. God Bless.
And, as Peace Garden Momma; aka Roxane, says, please take the time to visit http://lemmondrops.blogspot.com/ and read about Emilie. Also, if you get a chance, you will love Roxane's writing (see my link to Peace Garden Momma).
We've left Murray overnight in the past, but never when we've been out of town, and not for this long. We were both so lonesome for him; it was an absolute joy to pick him up at daycare this afternoon. It was good for all of us though, and thanks to Craig's mom and dad for taking him.
I wish that I could post pictures, but my memory card was full, and I forgot to run to the business center to empty it. The hotel is gorgeous, our view was fantastic, and the staff incredibly helpful. The Hilton in Minneapolis is my new favorite hotel, and I can't wait to stay there again (the prices, even for a suite are quite reasonable).
Only a few shopping days left; but I think we're finally finished. Now I have to wrap, which is my least favorite of Christmas. Maybe I can bribe Craig to do it; he's better at it anyway.
I don't really know how to react. Though we've never met; I feel a strange, but very powerful connection. Peace Garden Mama, (http://peacegardenmama.blogspot.com/), and I were able to steal away last night. Not only were we finally able to meet in person, but we both felt a pull to be together due to Emilie's news. PGM (also known as Roxane-Peace Garden Mama) lost a very close friend to cancer in 2000, and of course, dear readers, you are well aware that I lost my mom last November. I couldn't imagine losing her, I still can't believe she isn't here, but in the same respect, I can't imagine how it must feel to know that you are leaving your loved ones. My mom died with dignity and an amazing amount of grace, and I know that Emilie will do the same. I can only pray that they will meet in heaven. They do have a lot to tell each other.
Emilie, Steve, Daniel, and Ben: Your prayers are with us, and we wish you peace.
PS Emilie, if it wasn't for you, I would never have met Roxane, and never would I have been inspired so much to just write. God bless you. BE AT PEACE.
Murray is finally adapting to the pre-tod room, and this morning was the first morning he didn't cry when I left. Of course, yesterday, I accidentally slammed his foot in the door of the truck, so that did not help matters at all. I have never felt so horrible in my life. I stayed with him until he settled down, gave him some Tylenol, and then proceeded to cry all the way to work. He was just fine when I called mid-morning yesterday and has had two very good days in a row. Big sigh of relief. He's also crawling on all fours (finally), cruising everywhere, and walking very well with assistance. I can only hope that he's walking on his own before we go on vacation. It would be very hard to have a 15-month old who isn't walking on that long of a trip.
I'm off to work on laundry and dinner. Let's pray it warms up.
Anyway, I'm off to nap myself. What better way to embrace a snow day than a nap?
I woke up to a very happy Murray, who had been playing with Daddy and every toy in the house, it seemed. I didn't mind the mess; I joined in the fun, playing and dancing until nap time.
I just finished wrapping a few more Christmas presents, and am steadily working on the pile of dirty clothes that has once again invaded the laundry room.
Craig went to do some Christmas shopping, so when he gets back, I will have more presents to place under the tree. Speaking of Craig and Christmas shopping brings to mind a hilarious story that took place on Thursday. I got home from work to catch up on housework, but when I walked in the door, I knew something was up. Both dogs were hiding from me, which they tend to do when they've been naughty. No sooner had I taken my coat off, when I looked around the living room and found ENORMOUS bras strewn all over. Apparently, they had "opened" my Christmas present from Craig. The best part is that they were just way too big. They would have fit over my winter coat. I laughed until I was gasping for breath and then called Craig at the office to share the news. Anyway, I was able to ship them back to Victoria's secret and exchange them for the correct size. When I questioned him about the size he ordered, his response was that he looked at the tag of one of my current bras. Well, these are my ratty old nursing bras and although they are bigger than my normal size, they still aren't as big as those he ordered. Anyway, it's a perfect gift, because I'm obviously in need of some new unmentionables, but it's one of the many memories I will cherish forever.
The weekend brings another Christmas party tomorrow, but tonight shall be family night at home. These are my favorite evenings. After Murray goes to bed, Craig and I play cards, watch movies, or just do are own thing. Whatever we are in the mood for. It's just nice being together on a "non-school" night, knowing we have two days together as a family without work obligations.
We are stocked up for the blizzard; ready and waiting. It's supposed to be a doozy, so I hope you are all warm and safe when it hits. Then again, this is ND/MN; it could be 90 degrees tomorrow. Who knows? We can only hope.
On Saturday morning, I walked the 5K Arthritis walk. I am not ashamed to admit that I came in dead last (no kidding, the sweeper was following me), but I made it. 56:47 was my time; thanks to Pam for slowing down for me so that I had someone to walk with. The whole event made me realize that if I can all of the sudden walk 3.1 miles, I can at least fit in 20 minutes a day and work up to more.
On Sunday, I was stuck on the couch with a miserable cold, but by Monday was feeling quite a bit better. . . until Tuesday. I went to bed about 9:00pm, and woke up at 11:30pm with the worst case of the stomach flu I've had in years. It was even worse than when Craig went to WCHA last March, when I had to get an IV for dehydration. The symptoms (I'll spare you the details) finally subsided by about 7:00am, but I was so weak that it was all I could do just to take sips of water.
Luckily, Murray and Craig haven't shown any signs, and I am praying (and disinfecting) with all my heart that they both remain healthy.
I woke up this morning to the scent of turkey roasting, which made me feel a little ill, but I survived. Turkey in the morning, you ask? Craig had a pot luck at work and made his famous shredded turkey in the roaster, so it was cooking all night. Anyway, my sleep-deprived thoughts started with thinking about how there are so many people who never get to smell the heavenly aroma of warm food cooking in their own homes. Then I was listened to the forecast, which got me thinking of the homeless population in our community. You don't always see them, but they are out there, trying to survive. Not only during the holidays do they suffer, but 365 days a year. All day long I've been plotting of something that I can do to help. Yes, we have our favorite charities that we donate to, but something is pulling at me to really reach out more than ever this year. I have decided what I will do, and hope that I will follow through. I don't think I will share this with you, dear readers, because in my mind, giving of the alms is an act that you keep to yourself. It's not about the glory or being a hero, it's just about helping those in need. I'm no Mother Theresa, that is for sure, but I'm going to try extra hard this year to be just a bit more like her.
Murray is having a really rough time adjusting to his new room. The biggest problem, I think, is only one nap a day. He is so CRANKY by the time we get him home, that we usually put him down for an hour before supper. I suppose it will take some time to get into a routine. The good news is, I've decided to go back to working 9am-2pm, unless it's busy and they really need me. I can get my errands and housework done, and still spend extra time with Murray. I really do have the best of both worlds.
So, while I've missed blogging, here's to hoping I'm back.
Today is Murray's last day in the mobile infant room. I have mixed feelings. . .when I dropped him off this morning, we went over to meet his new teachers (who seem wonderful, as is the rest of the staff). He has been visiting their room since last week; even napping in there one day. I'm sure the transition will be fine for him, it's just a bit difficult on me. There's a bright side, though. He only takes one nap a day now; after lunch with the other pre-tods. That means he's exhausted at night and sleeps until about 7:30 am. It's fabulous, because Craig and I can both get ready for the day while he sleeps, and we're not rushing around running into each other. We don't have to wake up as early, either!
Murray and I have been faithfully taking our Ningxia from Young Living until recently. I kept forgetting, and sure enough, we both got sick. Craig thinks I'm bonkers, but we both remained healthy until we missed several days in a row.
Happy Friday to all; I hope your weekend brings joy!
Every year, it's the same argument. Real tree or fake tree? I prefer real, Craig prefers fake. Last year, I solved the problem by "lending" our fake tree to my sister (I actually gave it to her). In the 4+ years we have been married, I've always won the argument. This year, I didn't even have to ask. Craig came home last Sunday with one of the most beautiful blue spruce trees I've yet to see. We always go to Ole's Landscaping and Garden, and their trees never disappoint.
We had a very long night again last night with the croup. I ended up holding Murray in the recliner while he slept upright, though that still didn't help much. We took several trips outside to clear his passages, and also a long time in the steamy bathroom reading books. The cold air seems to work faster and better, so I think we'll opt for that again tonight. I took him in again today, and the doctor expects another rough night, but he should start feeling better tomorrow. Apparently the steroid shot they gave him last 72 hours, so we notice some improvement soon. The diffuser in his room with Eucalyptus seems to help as well.
He's been in a fantastic mood today, even tipping my plant over, after several stern "no-no's", he got that gleam in his eye and the second I turned around - CRASH. He's already testing us, and we're finding that he's quite stubborn, much like his mama.
I have a piano lesson to teach soon, so I best get prepared. She's learning so quickly for a beginner; I'm finding it difficult to challenge her!
I hope everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving!
Anyway, as I write this, Murray is in bed and one of his toys is going crazy. The Little People Car Port by Fisher Price seems to have a mind of it's own. All of the sudden, the cars began honking and beeping, quite loudly, I might add. I think they may just drive away on their own. Creepy. No one has touched it since yesterday. I can't even blame it on the animals.
Okay, I must go stop the annoyance. More tomorrow.
I was thinking this morning about how I haven't been updating Murray's baby book lately. I was feeling pretty down about it, but then I remembered that I post pretty much every event, big or small, on my blog. All I have to do is reference past posts and fill in the book. I can handle that! Emilie, the author of lemmondrops, a blog I frequently read, has turned her blog into a book. It's very cool. I'm not ready for that, but maybe someday.
I'm going to see "Twilight" tonight and I am super excited. First of all, the last movie I went to was Ocean's 11. Craig doesn't like to go to the theatre, he'd rather buy the DVD (which I think is dumb, because what if you don't like the movie?). Secondly, I'm addicted to the Stephanie Meyer series and cannot wait to see the first book on the big screen. Third, I absolutely love movie theatre popcorn. I do not ever share; if I don't eat it all, I take it home and eat it later.
I've been trying to post this blog on The Forum's new website for Moms (and dads), but haven't been able to receive the correct information via email in order to finish registration. A friend of mine is in charge of the site, but she's on vacation, so I'll have to figure it out when she gets back. In the mean time, if you want to check it out, it's pretty neat. Visit http://moms.inforum.com/
I'm off early today; I finished all my work for the week (unless something comes up). Murray will be glad to break out of daycare early today. Then again, maybe not. Sometimes he cries when we leave, he just loves it so much.
Have a fantastic weekend!
Murray had his one year check up yesterday. He weighs 22.9 lbs, in the 50th percentile (time to go car seat shopping), and is not very tall. In fact, they want to see him again in 3 months to assure that his growth is fine. Dr. G. isn't too concerned, since genetics play a factor, and Craig and I are both pretty short.
The top two teeth came in yesterday, finally. I was wondering when it was going to happen; at his nine month check up, Dr. T. said any day. Guess he was off a bit. Oh well, now they are in and life is swell.
On Friday night, I am going to see the movie "Twilight", the first of the Stephanie Meyer series. I am truly excited; I love this series.
I had a very stressful day at work today, so I'm off to bed. We're almost to Friday! By the way, I'm already cranky about the cold weather. It's going to be a LONG winter.
Murray refused to eat his cake for the longest time crying and shoving it away. The video is hilarious. We tried everything, until finally, his cousin (who is only five days younger than Murray) came over and helped. They ended up sharing the cake and loving it. By Sunday evening, Murray was so pooped that he slept from 5:30pm until 5 this morning. I caved and gave him a bottle (he hasn't had one in almost 2 weeks) because he had slept through supper, and he went right back to sleep. There was no way that I was going to make scrambled eggs and toast on a Monday morning at 4:45am. Now that we're back on schedule, meal times should go back to normal.
The present opening was an interesting event as well. Murray opened his first present, a See 'N Say, and after that, he wanted nothing to do with the rest of his gifts. However, when we put them all together on Sunday morning, he was in heaven. He couldn't decide which to play with.
We just had such a fabulous weekend; I can't wait to post the pictures.
This weekend we will celebrate Murray's cousin's birthday, and I can't wait. Who knew first birthday parties were so much fun?
Stay tuned for pics. Have a super Monday.
One year ago today, at this time, you were still in my tummy; we were waiting impatiently for you to make your grand entrance into this world. What a grand entrance it was! Although you took your time, you finally arrived at 5:56pm. Words cannot describe how thrilled we were (and still are). When I heard your first cry, I cried right along with you, though my tears were tears of joy. November 14, 2007 was the best day of our lives.
What a year we've had! You have been very busy growing and learning. To date, you are almost walking, and getting into everything. You are a very curious boy who loves animals and cell phones, but most of all, your daddy. When you were born, you weighed 9 lbs. 2 oz, and now you weigh 21.9 lbs. That's a lot of growing!
Mama is a bit sad today; it's amazing how fast you've grown. You are officially weaned from your bottle, and are very good at eating anything we put in front of you. But even though I'm sad that you are growing up so fast, your daddy and I are having so much fun watching you learn and grow. We are very proud of you.
So, even though you don't realize that today is such a special day, we do, and we celebrate in your honor. God bless you, sweet boy, and happy first birthday!
Mama and Daddy
1. Link to the person who tagged you. Mine came from Peace Garden Mama II.
2. Post these rules on your blog.
3. tell about your six quirks (see below).
4. Tag six bloggers to do the same.
5. Leave them a comment to let them know they've been tagged.
6. No tag backs.
My six quirks (although there are many more):
1. I cannot stand dishes (dirty or clean) in the sink. It drives me batty!
2. There must be many pillows on my bed, all big, fluffy down pillows or I can't sleep. Craig is very clear that he doesn't like my pillows, but every morning, I discover that he has "stolen" one out from under me. Dirty rotten trickster!
3. I refuse to drive on the interstate. Ever since I crashed 5 years ago, I go through town, no matter how much longer it takes me. I wasn't even injured in the crash, so I don't know why it terrifies me so much; all I can say is it's a good thing I'm in therapy.
4. I don't like chocolate, or really, any sweets, but give me a big bucket of french fries and some ranch, and I'm in heaven.
5. I spend way too much time on Facebook. Especially when I should be working.
6. I have a terrible sense of fashion and hate shopping for myself. I'm sure I look pretty goofy most days.
There they are-I could go on forever. It was fun thinking of silly quirks. Now that I'm on a roll, I could write all day! Have fun!
I am addicted to KFGO radio, partly because I used to work there, but mostly because they have the best news, information, and talk I can find. It's been a huge distraction for me of late; music seems to make me sad, so I avoid it all costs (which I think, music lover that I am, is even sadder). Anyway, today on the way home, I switched to the FM dial, cranked the volume, and sang all the way home, for the first time in as long as I can remember. I felt SO good. It was such a relief - the cloud really is lifting. Music is so powerful; I'm thankful I found the courage to listen in again when I'm in the mood.
On another note, I came home to a clean house, although Craig had started the process of cleaning the refrigerator, hit a brick wall and quit. No biggie, I just finished what he started and it was done. At least he started the process for me! Both boys are asleep, have been since 7pm, so I'm finishing laundry (yes, finishing, I can't believe it) and am relaxing. What a great life.
Earlier today. . .
Well, even though I disinfected, Craig still wound up with a doozy of a bug. I don't recall him missing two days in a row for work, in a very long time, if ever. He seems to feeling a bit better this afternoon - he was shopping online. So, it will be interesting to see what the condition of the house is when I get home. :) I guess I will have to disinfect all over again. Sigh.
I'm feeling like the fog is beginning to lift. Work helps, and I'm beginning to enjoy things again. Slowly but surely. I feel like the tortoise in the Tortoise and the Hare. Slow and steady wins the race. I'm working hard on therapy and haven't even had a panic attack in about three weeks. I've had close calls, but was able to reign in my emotions and calm down. Anyway, I'm turning a corner.
It's already been a busy week, but I just don't mind. Keeping busy helps so much, as long as I remember to take time for myself once in a while too. I've scheduled a cut and color for this week, and am planning a massage next week (I've never had one, so I'm pretty excited).
Quote for the day: Don't let negative thoughts, feelings or people rent space in your head.
Murray just learned how to pull himself up on EVERYTHING. It seems like it happened over night. Several weeks back he began practicing, but he finally got it down. I feel like bolting all of our furniture to the floor and walls. In this clip, he was so proud of himself.
On Sunday we spent time with Craig's family at his sister's house. It was fun to see the cousins play together and the Vikings win! After the game, we went to the lake to be with Grandpa and Grandma.
Monday was the one year anniversary (I despise calling it an anniversary; it doesn't feel like the right word) of our Mom's death. It was very difficult, but that is to be expected. I spent some special quiet time sitting at the beach, watching the stars, remembering her (this was a tradition of ours; including my sister, that started before I can remember). I'm still struggling, but expect to for a while. As I've stated many times this isn't a short process. I have many blessings, I just wish I could share them with her. Anyway, enough of the pity party. Today is a new day, and a good one at that. I'm off to vote!!!
So angry, but really kind of cute.
All in all, it was a great day (at least for Craig and I) and we're glad we went, especially since the next day was horrible weather wise. I really think that he will enjoy it more next year.
I'm working full time this week, which I'm not too sure about. It's good for my depression, in a way, but I miss my special mornings and afternoons with Murray. I loathe loading him in the car at 7:15 to get him to daycare. I hate not being able to give him breakfast. I don't like that we can't play in the afternoon before his nap. My time with him seems so much shorter. It makes me so sad. I realize that many moms work full time, and that's great. I just don't think it's for me. Maybe when he's in kindergarten, but that's a long way off, thankfully. I am going to hang in there this week and we'll see what happens. I'm grateful that I have options and can choose how many hours I want to work.
Stay tuned for pictures!
Plans for the weekend? PJ day tomorrow, Sunday maybe the pumpkin patch if the weather holds. The forecast predicts rain, but it was completely incorrect today, so I'm banking on a beautiful day. Or maybe will just switch pj day with pumpkin patch day. Either way, I am so happy for a quiet weekend.
Have a great one!
Speaking of therapy, I've been anxiously awaiting this first appointment. It's been 3 weeks since I've been discharged from Prairie, and that was way too long to go without therapy. The evil D has been seeping in again, which in turn causes panic attacks, so I'm really looking forward to meeting my new therapist. Next week I will see Dr. B., the psychiatrist who treats me, so things are really looking up. Is it sad that I'm so excited about therapy? Maybe for some, but I see it as a tool to heal. This process is taking much longer than anticipated, and I've realized that there isn't a magic cure or pill to help. A blogger friend of mine reminded me on Monday (when I blogged about having a "blue" day) to make a list of my blessings. What a fantastic idea. I took her advice and came up with a fairly long list. I felt so much better after, and in turn, remembered to use some of the skills I've acquired at Prairie. Thanks Roxane!
We've been struggling with whether or not to put Murray in a Halloween costume. I go back and forth. My emotional side wants those precious "first Halloween" pictures, but my practical side does not think it's necessary. This may sound cruel; I certainly don't mean it that way. I just don't see the point in dressing him up and hauling him around when he isn't going to remember it anyway. He has some orange pumpkin pj's, and the other day I found some cute baby Halloween hats, so maybe we'll just dress him in this little ensemble and take his picture. If anyone has suggestions of past or future "first Halloweens'", I'd be happy to hear them. By the way is "Halloween" supposed to be capitalized? Spell check says so, but I'm not so sure. . .
Enjoy the rain!
We had a nice weekend, though a bit busier than planned. Craig hung the storm door in the back, and it looks so nice! The storm windows are up as well, just in time for the cold to set in. We spent some time with our good friend Troy, and of course, watched the Gopher's hockey game. Murray was able to spend some time with his Aunt Amy, and Sunday we just took it easy.
I am appalled at the audacity of certain realtors in this town. On Friday afternoon, someone knocked on our door, claiming that she had left a message that she was going to show the house. Now, this is bogus, because the listing instructs realtors to call our realtor, and only he has our cell numbers and home phone (it's unlisted). All we could really do is sit in the back yard while they looked around, and thankfully it didn't take very long. So, Saturday morning, we're all in our pajama's lounging around, having coffee, just generally enjoying being together. 10:15, the doorbell rings. Conversation as follows:
Realtor: "Did you get the message I left you that I was going to show your house today at 10:15?"
Me: "No, we don't have an answering machine and I just checked both of our cell phones; no messages."
Realtor (obviously backtracking): "Oh, well, I called your realtor and he said it was fine. Can we come in?"
Me: "Uh, sure, let me just pack up the baby, change our clothes, put the dogs out, etc."
Realtor: "Great, we'll be waiting in the driveway."
We were pretty frustrated to say the least. The house was in fair shape, so that wasn't a problem, it's just a pain to be interrupted when you least expect it. Our realtor always gives us notice, and he did not receive a call from either realtor, so they used the "popping in" tactic. I guess it's good that people are still interested, but it was pretty inconvenient. Let's just hope we get an offer after all of this.
Sorry about the long post today. I didn't think I had quite so much to vent about, but there it is. Hope everyone has super Monday.
This was so funny. We purchased this ball for him several months ago, but he's finally really enjoying it. Speaking of new skills, all of the sudden, Murray figured out how to sit up on his own, as well as pull himself up in his crib. I am terrified that he'll fall out, but suppose it will going to happen eventually (YIKES). Again, I wish we could put our kids in a bubble. We can't, so we just do the best we can.
Craig has been sick, but Murray and I have been fighting it off with Ningxia Red, and essential oils (if you click on the links, you will learn about it) which are awesome immune system supplements that have amazing results. It's working like a charm. This is a health pitch, not a sales pitch, because I do not sell the product, I just purchase it. :)
Tomorrow is supposed to be a fabulous fall weather day, and I'm so looking forward to just lounging around in the yard. I hope you all have a great weekend.
I'll keep you posted. Try this link to see if it works here, instead of in my blog list.
It doesn't matter what day of the week, year, or month that we schedule dock day. It's guaranteed to rain, snow, blow, or sleet. This year was actually pretty nice; the guys had to take a couple of breaks due to lightning, but other than that, all went smoothly. It was absolutely beautiful; the trees were gorgeous and some of the flowers still in bloom, ironically. We had four, yes four, dogs "helping". Rudy dug his last rock out from the lake for the summer, and Nala was able to swim for the last time this season.
I decided to take some pictures, and while doing so, realized that my camera has much more potential than I have been taking advantage of. I really need to read the 5,000 page manual (exaggeration, but not by much), but I have no idea when I'll get to it. The shot above is looking from the lake to the big house, though you don't really see the house (it's out of the shot). It's my favorite place on earth, and always has been. I'd rather be here than any other place in the world, including Hawaii.
This picture is looking out to the road side of the house. The colors aren't nearly as sharp in the picture, but again, I'm hoping to learn more about my camera.
This is one of my favorite shots. It's peaceful, which is how the day was.
Last, but not least, a funny clip of my Grandma and Murray playing blocks. Murray's laugh is hysterical; he just loves her so much. I am so grateful that she and Grandpa are in our lives.
Here's to a great Monday morning.
We're taking the docks and lifts out at the lake this weekend, which is always a fun day, but a sad one too. It marks the beginning of another season gone, though another to look forward to (I do not look forward to winter, as a friend of mine and I were discussing today). Craig finally has some waders (thanks to Grandpa Jack), so he shouldn't freeze this year. I get to help in the kitchen for the big meal to warm up the guys.
Though I appreciate the crisp weather, I'm cold and wishing it were warmer. It is kind of fun to cozy up with a good book and a warm blanket though; I'm finding the bright side of things. Besides, the trees are beautiful! As long as it's not snowing, I'm happy.
Our annual end of the year softball party was a success and fun was had by all. At least until the Moorhead PD came knocking and threatened a noise ordinance violation if we didn't break up the party immediately. I feel so embarrassed, no one there was under the age of 27 (and it wasn't that large of a party). Good thing we had several sober drivers, and everyone cooperated. The funniest part is that they had the whole house surrounded. Each fence gate, the front door, back door, etc. You would have thought we were running a drug ring. It will be one of those stories we don't tell Murray (who was at Craig's mom and dad's for the night).
It's billing week, so I'm swamped, but thought I'd update. Hope you all are having a great week.
Murray and Owen (Owen is Murray's cousin born five days after Murray) got together to play for a short time on Saturday. They are pretty funny together, and you can already tell that they will be great friends! Owen is doing beatifully (despite being born at 1 lb. 10 oz) and even surpasses Murray at many skills. Just goes to show that every baby is different, no matter what.
I'm being discharged from the hospital on Friday and am a bit anxious, but excited at the same time. I have learned so much and feel ready to use the skills I've learned in the "real" world. I will follow up with my psychiatrist and therapist, as well as a Hospice grief support group.
We are off to a play tonight at MSUM with some friends, and I'm really looking forward to it. Craig doesn't get into plays very much, but my hope is that he will enjoy himself.
PS If you haven't checked out the Stephanie Meyer series (the first is titled Twilight), you should, great read!
Murray spiked a temp yesterday of 101.6, but a little Tylenol and some extra TLC brought it down and he's back to "almost" normal. Tired, a bit cranky, but I suspect it's the cold combined with teething.
We are celebrating Craig's boss's retirement party tomorrow, and his wife has asked me to help prepare. I'm looking forward to this-it's a chance to be creative and a such a wonderful social event. I am pretty honored that she asked. She has become a close friend; I value her very much.
I was uber organized for this trip, or so I thought, but upon arrival, realized that I forgot all of my meds (it's the dementia again). I have nothing for anxiety, which is the one that worries me the most. Hopefully, my doctor will be able to call in a small supply to a pharmacy near our hotel to get me through the weeekend. Otherwise, if anyone is going to be in the cities tomorrow, please call me!!! :) Good thing I've been learning so many cognitive coping strategies.
I went to the foot doctor today and he told me that there isn't anything to do except let the bones heal. About six weeks he thinks. At least I don't have to wear a hard cast, and I'm very happy about not having to have surgery.
I hope to do some shopping tomorrow, and take Murray in the pool while Craig is in meetings. I also plan to nap whenever Murray does. Since I don't drive in the cities, and I have one bad foot, the shopping part may not get accomplished until Craig is out of conferences. On Saturday, we are taking Murray to Como - I am so excited for this. I'll probably have to get a motorized cart, but I don't care. It should be fun. I'm most excited to see the giraffes (I've always wanted one).
This CD is really doing the trick. ZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Stay tuned for zoo pictures!
I am loving the weather this week, and was so looking forward to continuing my afternoon walks with Murray, but it looks like they may be put on hold for a while. At least we can still play in the back yard.
I'm off to catch some zzzz's. Sleep tight, and don't forget to find the humor.
It's not a sunny day at the lake, but it's completely serene. There is no wind, and the temperature is just perfect. As soon as Murray takes a nap, I plan to find a comfy chair outside and do some writing.
I hope that today finds you relaxing or enjoying whatever leisure activity it is that you enjoy.
I am learning to embrace the silence. We viewed a presentation by Dr. Wayne Dyer today (who, I must say is amazing and I recommend purchasing his book or DVD) and one of the ten secrets for inner peace that he teaches is to embrace the silence. So, when I returned home this afternoon, Murray and I snuggled up together and had a completely quiet, peaceful 10 minutes. There are so many wonderful secrets that he discusses, and I will write more about them in another post. It's a lot to take in at one time. Basically, the principle of embracing the silence means that there is one power in the universe that flows through everything (whatever or whomever you believe that power to be). This power is indivisible - you simply cannot divide it. If you can get to that place inside of you that you can't divide, embrace the silence, you will come to know your source, your peace, or whatever it is you seek.
I have been trying to download a fun video of Murray crawling, but it must be too large. I'll try again later. In the meantime, happy Friday!
Craig and I had a very nice date night on Friday. Murray went to a sleepover at his Grandpa and Grandma's and Craig and I grilled and shared a bottle of wine by the fire. We sure needed it!
I got a call last week from my boss. Of course, I was worried that they didn't want me to return to my position when I'm finished with therapy. It turns out that they hired someone to fill my position, and when I return, I will be the executive assistant to the president of the company. I was blown away. His faith and trust in me is amazing, and I am so pleased to be able to return in this capacity.
I added a new blog to my list for those interested. Our very dear friends are adopting a child from Columbia, and they have just started posting about their journey.
I hope everyone has an outstanding week. I'm going to continue this journey and will continue to keep you posted.
I'm off to bed. Seems like I just can't get enough sleep these days. Might as well call it a day.
Life at Prairie is difficult to explain. I just received my treatment plan this afternoon, and my team has not decided how long I will stay, or if I will need to spend some time on the full hospitalization floor (where you stay overnight). I hope that won't be the case, but I'm willing to do what it takes to recover. It takes a lot of self examination and honesty to get through each day, but I am learning (and re-learning) many new things about myself. I listened to one woman today who is nearing the end of her stay at Prairie, and she described finding her old self again and how wonderful it felt. It's funny, because that's exactly how I feel. I feel like the old Marie is on an extended vacation, and now I'm in the process of finding her again.
We had a nice labor day weekend. We spent Sunday at the lake and just relaxed. It was nice to just "be". Murray came down with a fever yesterday and is still battling it today. Craig took him to the walk-in clinic while I was at therapy today, and he has a viral infection. It should clear up in 72 hours or so. He's been a very sad, fussy baby.
Tomorrow brings another day. Tonight I am going to practice some of the skills I've been learning and get some rest. Peace to all, and again, thank you for the support.
Craig has state softball tournaments this weekend, so Maggie and I and our friend Michelle are off to the lake for "girls" weekend (except for Murray). It's the last weekend before school starts for Mags, so we thought it would be a great way to send her back. Should be a fun weekend.
Good luck to Dave's Southside Tap! I hope you come home with no injuries and a big trophy!
Now, you ask, why would I share such personal information? I was thinking about that, and seriously considering never, ever discussing any of this. For some reason, it's very difficult to admit that I am having a tough time, and it shouldn't be. Maybe it's because I don't want anyone to think I've gone a bit crazy, or I'm simply feeling sorry for myself. Or maybe it's because so often people keep these things to themselves, and here I am, writing about it for anyone to read. It would be easy to hide out until I get through this phase of life, but I don't want to do that. As a trusted and wise friend recently told me, at the end of the day, it's me, not anyone else, that I have to report to. So, I chose to write about my experiences with anxiety and the big "D" because I think that maybe by being honest and open about what I am feeling, someone else won't be so afraid. Because this is scary. It's terrifying (not to mention very frustrating) to feel this way, and if I could only understand it, maybe it wouldn't frighten me so. The unknown is always the worst - sometimes I think it's easier to know what's going to happen, even if you aren't going to like the outcome. At least then you can prepare yourself.
Anyway, there it is. This is what I'm dealing with. I don't want sympathy or pity, I just think it's important to talk about this issue. There are so many good things in my life, I don't understand why I can't get myself out of this slump. I am constantly fighting it, trying so hard to not feel like this. And I will keep fighting. I won't let the evil big "D" win.
Murray has been having fresh nectarines for breakfast this week, and he gobbles them up like they're candy. Here is a funny clip of him shoveling them in this morning:
He's a great mood booster. How can you not feel a bit of happiness when you see this face? What a great reminder that life must go on.
That's all for now. All is quiet on the home front. I hope to have a quiet, peaceful evening at home.
Yesterday we had a lazy, lazy day at home. It was nice. The house is a bit of a disaster right now, but for once, I don't mind. I'm not letting it get to me (I mean it). There are more important things in life, and I'm not going to let it stress me out. I don't know if this is due to the place I'm in right now, of if I'm honestly just starting to get my priorites straight. Time will tell, I guess, and until then, I'll keep on keeping on.
My appointment with the cardiologist went well, but it certainly wasn't what we expected. Dr. Otero believes that the high, tachy heart rates are caused by stress and anxiety, not an arrhythmia, which was the affliction in 2006. I realize that this is good news, but it was a huge blow to me and my perception of how things are. Ever since my mom was diagnosed with cancer last July, I have held it together, been strong, kept going, one foot in front of the other, determined not to let myself fall apart. You know, the "pillar of strength" type. Yes, there have been some bad days, but bad days are healthy once in a while. For the most part, I thought that I was handling things in a way that would have made mom proud. We were raised to be strong women, of the "pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on" variety. No feeling sorry for yourself! Now, I just feel weak, and humiliated, and let down. I SHOULD be able to handle this, I WANT to handle this, and I still don't want to fall apart, but apparently that is what is happening when I have these so-called "attacks". I am beginning to grasp that this has been a slow decline, one I didn't realize was happening. It began in my heart, and has steadily moved right down to my toes. I used to be a morning person, and lately it's hard to drag myself out of bed. I used to care about how I was dressed and how my hair looked, now, I have to force myself to get in the shower in the morning (don't worry, I do shower at least once a day). My whole body hurts most days, which can be chalked up to the evil D-word I'm not ready to say (or type). I'm just so tired. I want to surround myself in the cozy blanket of family until this passes, but I can't just lie down and let it take over. I will keep fighting, and fighting and fighting, and I will be okay. I have to get the following off my chest:
1. "I know how you feel, I felt like that when so and so insert illness/death here "
This whole post probably sounds incredibly selfish and self-pitying. That may be true. It may not. Right now, I just don't know. I do know that I don't want to feel this way (who does), and that I'm trying to fix it. It's time to take off the rose colored glasses and realize that maybe, just maybe, I don't have to be strong all the time. Maybe it's okay to be sad right now. The question is, how do you do that?
The Owl and The Pussycat - Edward Lear 1871
Winkin' Blinkin' and Nod - I can't for the life of me find anything out about the author - I have to keep researching:
The inspiration for this post comes from a word I googled today. For a very long time, I have wondered what a runcible spoon is. There is a line in The Owl and the Pussycat as follows: "they dined on mince and slices of quince, which they ate with a runcible spoon. . ." Now I know. If you read the poem and wonder yourself, check out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Runcible_spoon
Since the team won all three games on Saturday, the first game on Sunday started around 10. My thought was that Murray and I would watch the first game, and then head back to the lake until the tournament was over. I should have been thinking ahead, but (and this isn't mean) they usually don't advance as far as they did. I was a bit surprised (proud, too) when they kept winning. In past years, we usually don't even get a game on Sunday. It was so much fun to watch them play and win that I just couldn't leave (I know, I sound like a fair-weather fan). After six consecutive games without a break, they ended up taking second place. We qualifed for the state tournament in Hastings, MN, so it's pretty exciting, especially considering our past record. :)
We finally got home around 7, literally dropped our bags on the floor, put Murray to bed, fed the animals, and crashed ourselves. The good news is, Murray seems to be back to himself and this week looks to be a quiet one. I hope.
**Addendum to this post: If you need to get a hold of Craig i.e. questions about softball, please call me (218-329-2268) instead of him. I will have frequent updates. Thanks.
Craig has been working like a mad man all week - long, crazy hours, no lunch breaks, etc. He needs to relax and do nothing for a day. No rest for the weary though, it's district softball tournaments all weekend. At least he will be doing something he enjoys.
My girlfriend Michelle, Maggie and I had a wonderful time last night on the deck, solving problems and discussing how we're going to take on the world. I'm always refreshed after these sessions - so comforting to know that you aren't alone.
I'm off to take out the garbage. On Friday's, I am the maid in the office, and I better get to it. Housekeeping calls.
I have been having the strangest dreams recently. I've always been a dreamer, and usually remember them, but lately they have been more intense, and very, very strange (much worse than usual). It finally occurred to me that it's probably the medication I'm on to control my heart rate that is causing these sudden "doo de doo de" dreams. Sometimes, though, they are fun dreams that make me laugh or feel very happy. Last night I dreamt that Murray was crawling and we were all laughing and cheering him on. These are the dreams that I enjoy. The others, well, they are sad, and leave me feeling empty. The sad dreams are so real that it's almost impossible to go back to sleep at night.
Today I called in a tracing from my heart monitor and was told that my heart rate was 140 bpm. The nurse who took my call was concerned, and I laughed and said that 140 bpm is rather slow for me, so I wasn't concerned. When I have major episodes, the rate is usually around 200 bpm, so this was minor. Anyway, I'm looking forward to my appointment today. The medication has really made a difference, so maybe he'll just decide I can be on meds and not have surgery again.
I've been feeling unorganized again. I am very behind on paperwork. I've been carrying it all around in a paper grocery bag with one handle, thinking I'll get to it. I have a closet full of more appropriate bags and/or folders that I could use, but for some reason, I just haven't made the switch. I'm sure I look ridiculous. My goal is to get to it finally, this afternoon, but I've been saying that for well over a week. In addition to paperwork, both cars are disaster areas. Craig is always shaking his head at me, because I'm very particular about the cleanliness of the house, but the cars are usually pig pens (which drives him crazy). Even if I clean them out once a week, it only takes a day or two for me to mess them up again.
Okay enough procrastinating. I'm off to tackle some of that paperwork. Oh shoot, scratch that. I left my paper bag in the car. :)