Dear Family,

It is with a heavy heart that I inform you of my resignation as head dishwasher.  I have been quite satisfied with my position for several years, but unfortunately, my time has come to an end.  Recent events have forced me to make this difficult choice.

Our contract clearly states that members of the family are to carry dirty dishes to the kitchen and clear the table.  Line 589, point F, (contract 07302007) notes that "if parties refuse to cooperate with the head dishwasher, the party has the right to terminate the agreement."

This matter could quickly be solved by the defendant purchasing a mechanical dishwasher or a new home. 

If you have any questions, please contact my attorney, Margaret A. Burlingame.
P.S.  Put your underwear in the hamper.  Both of you!

He's Driving Us Bat**** Crazy (in a good way)

Children are a blessing.  Truly, what a beautiful gift from God. 

But sometimes, said child(ren) can drive you batty (or batsh** crazy, as I like to say, but this is a family friendly blog so...).   

For example:

"Mom, MOM, MOOOOMMMMY!   WHERE is my car?  I can't find my car!  No, not THAT blue car, I mean the OTHER blue car.  NO, that car is not light blue enough and I want the blue car that has wings with the black on it.

Guess who has to find it?  Not us.

"Dad, I'm SO hungry.  I really need a snack.  No thanks, I don't want a Go-Gurt.  No thanks, I don't want a peanut butter sandwich. DAD, NO!  I do not want an ice cream treat.   Could I please just have a fruit snack?  Sheesh!"
Guess who will not be getting a snack?
Not the boy.

And then there's the bargaining tactic:

"Mom, if I pick up my toys, can I can have a treat?"
But, I want a treat!  I won't pick up my toys, and I don't CARE about money.  YOU ARE SO MEAN!
Guess who won't be receiving his allowance and is grounded from television?


The shaving of my legs saga continues (via my Facebook page):

Murray: Mama, I'm not trying to make fun of you, but do you really want these pokey things on your legs?
Me: No, that's why I shave them.
Murray: You should just shave them every day.
Me: I do shave them every day.
Murray: Well, then I think you should buy a new shaver.

And this:

Murray: Mom, when can I ask Sophia to marry me?
Me: When you are 25. Why do you want to marry her
Me: It's just that she is the most "beautifulist!". But Mom, when can I ask her to marry me?
Me:  What happens when you get married?
Murray: You live with your wife.

Me: Why?
Murray: Because it would be sad if you didn't live with your wife. I really love Sophia and want her to marry me.
And we can't forget this classic (our niece is a mixed baby):
My dad: I spy with my little eye, something brown.
Murray: Is it Brooklyn's skin
One more for you:
Us: What's the matter, Murray? Are you okay?
Murray (sniffling):
So, to all of you that love children, take heart.  When they drive you bat-sh** crazy, don't feel bad.  For every one annoying moment, there are at least 49,000 precious and hilarious moments.  Happy parenting.
P.S.  Stay tuned.  My blogging hiatus is over, and I have a ton to share.