Be Still, My Heart

It's happening again. Two years ago, I was diagnosed with an arrythmia in my heart. Supraventricular Tachycardia is the technincal name, SVT for short. I had a procedure done, called a cardiac ablation, to correct the problem and have been good as new, until recently. It seems that the SVT is back, although we don't have any definate answers yet. I am on the waiting list for a King of Hearts monitor, which will record any episodes that I have. Doctors, in turn, will be able to start putting the pieces of the puzzle together. I have an appointment with my cardiologist on August 6, which will be a great relief to finally get some answers. This all began about 6 weeks ago, when I began having "little episodes" but I convinced myself that it was stress. Last Monday, I ended up in the ER and was in two more times throughout the week. I am on a beta blocker to control heart rate and angina, which helps some, but my doctor tells me that it takes about five days (it's been three). I live in constant fear that it will happen when I'm driving, which is the worst. It's completely debilitating, both physically and emotionally. I can't keep up with my household responsibilities, so Craig has taken on a double load, in addition to keeping a close eye on me. Murray's Grandma has had to pick up from daycare twice, which I'm beyond grateful for, but it breaks my heart to not be the one to see his smiling face at 3:00pm. Living this way isn't living, and I want my life back. I want to be able to carry on without the constant fear, or having to stop and get my heart back under control again. I had a rough morning today, but am feeling much better now. It's the waiting that's the worst. I just want this fixed, even if it requires another surgery. For now, it's day by day, sometimes, minute by minute. I still plan to go to softball tonight, because I hate sitting around doing nothing.

Despite all of this, we still went to the lake this weekend. Saturday was a good day -I felt great and we had a beautiful family day. Sunday was horrendous, and I was pretty much on the couch fighting to breath and control my heart rate all day. Poor Craig had to pack and load by himself, but not once did he complain. I know he is exhausted, and I want this cleared up for he and Murray more than myself. Again - he is amazing.

So, it's not a very happy post today. Right now, I embrace the good days when I feel like myself. I will be fine, and the sun will shine again, but for now, we wait.

No comments: