Things I never thought I would discuss or ask:
1. To DH (dear husband): Would you please examine the contents of this soiled diaper? I'm not sure if the remnants are demonstrating signs of a healthy baby.
2. To Baby: Please stop eating out of the dog's dish.
3. To DH: The baby and I are napping. If you wake either one of us, you can count on certain death.
4. To Ask A Nurse: What is a normal color for baby vomit?
5. To work: I can't come in today - the baby has periorbital cellulitis and loose stools.
6. To Pediatrician: Why won't the baby sleep through the night?
7. Repeat number 6.
8. Discussion with DH: We are out of food - AGAIN. Baby is eating us out of house and home.
9. To Baby: We do not eat plants, tip them over, take a bath in the dog's water dish, or use our new teeth to bite mama and daddy.
10. To DH: Could you please hold the baby down while I extract the mucous from his nose?
11. To Baby: The dogs are NOT horses and we do not ride them. Nor do we pull their hair, yank their ears, stick fingers in their nostrils, or poke their eyes. Same goes for the cat.
Our discussions are certainly not this "proper", but I thought it would be inappropriate or offensive to use our actual dialogue. Thus far, the journey has been scary, exciting fun, and confusing. Oh, and very messy. Despite the challenges, I wouldn't change a thing. The phrase "never say never" has NEVER been so true.