If You Were Still Here

Dear Mom,

If you were still here, you'd have called me at 6:00 a.m. this morning, and told me to have a good day.  Later,  I would've called you in the middle of the afternoon, needing advice, and then, of course, I would've called you on my way home from work, just to hear your voice.

If you were still here, you would lock up more 'bad guys'. I watched "Cops" last night, and cried through the entire show because it reminded me of you.   For such a small woman, you sure did intimidate some hard asses.

If you were still here, you and I would be in the kitchen together cooking and tipping back a few Keystones.

If you were still here, Rudy would be outside playing with Bubba and we'd be giggling at his antics. I can still see us lying in our lawn chairs, soaking up the sun and talking about anything and everything.

If you were still here, your gentle manner and wisdom would calm me in a way that no other person can.

If you were still here, I would have enjoyed your garden vegetables. You sort of had your own farmer's market.

If you were still here, you'd be freezing in this weather.  You always loved the sunshine and warm weather.  Me too.

If you were still here, you would snuggle up with Murray and teach him all about the world. He saw me crying this morning and burst into "Twinkle Twinkle".  He also knows the words to "You Are My Sunshine" - you would've loved that.  I'll never forget when you sang to me. I loved it (even though you were never able to carry a tune in a bucket).

If you were still here, you would say, "Stop feeling sorry for yourself.  Look around and find something, anything, to be happy about. 

And Mom?  One more thing:  If you were still here, I wouldn't miss you so damn much.

Be at peace, Mom.  You're with me in spirit.

Child Care Providers are Angels

Daycare is closed this week.  After all, child care providers deserve a vacation.  Actually, especially child care providers deserve a vacation.  After the morning I've had, I don't know how ours does it. 

Our three year old nephew, Owen, and Murray both go to the same daycare.  Their birthdays are five days apart and they're best friends (most of the time).  Since I don't have class on Thursdays, it only made sense that I watch both boys.  Two are easier than one - they entertain each other.  Or so I thought.

So far today, we've eaten eggs and pancakes, gone on a long bike ride, painted masterpieces, played with colored bubbles (I don't recommend this), spent time in the sandbox, set up the castle complete with balls, had a snack, sung the clean up song five times, and each boy has had a bout of tears - oh wait, Murray just started up again (Owen was trying to get out of the castle and accidentally kicked him in the face).  I've told them to share at least 52 times and constructed train tracks that rival Burlington Northern.

It's only 10:30, and already both boys are already battered.  Owen has a bruise on his cheek because Murray whacked him with a hockey stick.  Murray has a goose egg on his head because he tripped in the bathroom and somehow bonked his head on the step stool.  I've called our pediatrician twice and I'm living in fear that I'll have to call again - or worse, call the ambulance. 

At least they haven't peed in public like they did on Monday when my father-in-law had them.

Is it too early to put them down for a nap and pour a glass of chardonnay?

Hats off to child care providers everywhere.  You are angels waiting for wings.

-MM

For Posterity: Conversations With Murray

Since my camera refuses to sync with my computer and I'm feeling the need to record some things again, I'm posting more Murrayisms.  Here we go:

Murray:  Where did we get that? (referring to a dresser)
Me:         From Grandma Kathy (clearly I meant our storage unit that houses her things)
Murray:  Did she drop it?




Murray:  Mama, you're SO BEAUTIFUL (I'm not making this up and I may have already blogged about this but it's my favorite)




Murray:  Mom, could I have my own? (while sharing popcorn)
Me:        Yes, I'll get you a bowl.
Murray:  No, I mean stop eating it, please.  (so much for sharing)



Murray:  Please show me what time it is. (while looking at a clock)
Me:         Well, this is the big hand and that means hours, and this is the little hand and that means minutes, and each number stand for five minutes, and then you count by fives so the number one means it's five after the hour and the number two means it's ten after the hour... (insert Charlie Brown's teacher)
Murray:   Great, Mom, but what time are we going to Grandma Mary's house?


Craig:     Murray, have a good day.
Murray:  Dad, have fun at work and have a GREAT DAY. (agreed)

Murray:  Dad, when are we going out west? (to see Grandpa Doug)
Craig:     Not sure, but probably in a few weeks.
Murray:  How many sleeps is that? 


Murray:  Mom, they won't let you work anymore because they can't give you money?  (right on, son)


Murray:  I love my Rudy and Nala and Grandma Mary and Grandpa Dennis and Grandpa Doug and Grandma Kathy in heaven and Maggie and Grandma Kate and Grandpa Jack and...well, I forgot who else.
Me:        Well, all of those people love you too.
Murray:  Do they?

Of course we do, dear boy.  You are a gem. 
P.S.  Grandpa Doug is on his way.

-MM

All Talk and No Action: Abortion vs. Adoption

Note:  This post may be offensive to some. I will not judge you, but  I will not apologize for my thoughts.

I admit that I can be all talk and no action. 

Several weeks ago I discussed joining my friend and fellow blogger and Mom friend, Roxane, on the sidewalk at the Red River Women's Clinic.  I wanted to pray and reach out for the people that feel that pregnancy is an impossible situation.  So many people would welcome a child into their loving arms, if only the men and women considering abortion would see that there is an alternative.  My husband and I are blessed with adopted children in our lives.  A friend of mine said recently, "Biology doesn't make you a parent". (Thanks, Kristine.)  How very true.
At the last minute, I admitted to Roxane  that I was terrified to accompany her on the sidewalk. So, I didn't go with her.  I'm ashamed that I was too scared to join her plight, but when we discussed it (via writing) she was incredibly supportive.  She understood that I wasn't ready, and encouraged my prayer and thoughts without a hint of judgement.  What an awesome person God has blessed my life with.  I'm grateful for her friendship.

I will always believe that abortion is wrong; the very thought of it makes me cringe.  But right now, I'm praying that soon I'll be able to join Roxane on the sidewalk and have the courage to stand up for my convictions.
-MM

Spoiled with A Chance of Changes

Note:  Edited for error.

I have it pretty good these days.  I admit, I'm spoiled.

Since the unfortunate firing elimination of my position at work, I've had the time to be keep the house (fairly) clean and have dinner on the table when Craig gets home.  I'm on top of laundry and my organization skills are really coming along, as well they should, since I don't have an 8-5 job.

I love this time in my life.  It will be short-lived because - drum roll here - I will be a full-time student in a few short weeks (yeah, I know, again).  I love having extra time with Murray without rushing around in the morning and scrambling to get out the door (now I just scramble eggs).  I love that I have the time and energy to cook again.  I love having the time to read and write.  I love that every closet and drawer in our home is at least semi-organized.  I love spending more time with the hounds and keeping them brushed and looking good.  I love watching the Cosby Show in the morning and Oprah re-runs from in the afternoon while I fold laundry. 

The month of August will again bring changes and add a new dimension to our lives.  I wonder if I can be a good Mom, wife, and homemaker and a good student at the same time?  I'll let you know in a month or two.  Right now, I have clothes to put away and dinner to prepare.

-MM

Laughter

I cried from joy, then pain, and then the ultimate gift that was you, when you happened.
Now:

I laugh.
I cry.
I laugh again.
I get angry.
I cry, but laugh again.
I get frustrated.
I laugh until I cry.
Tears of happiness.
Because you happened.

You and your Daddy are my world. 
You happened.
Your Daddy happened.
I cry again, tears of joy.
For you are a part of me.

I love you and will never stop.
Mama and Wife.