An Honest Look

I'm back.  It's been awhile.  Thank you for waiting.  

Depression has reared it's ugly head again. So many things piled up.  Imagine a grassy hill. In the summer it's green and lush, but in winter, it's covered with snow.  Depression for me (because it's different for everyone) is like when a snow plow keeps adding that snow to the hill until the pile is huge. Does that make sense?

Oh, poor me.  I should pick myself up, dust myself off, and get on with it.  Believe me, I'm trying, and hard. I have so many things to be grateful for.  I do, I really do.

But, depression doesn't work that way.  It's not that easy.  Depression is sneaky, and mean, and horrible. It's real. Trust me, it's real.

I'm a pretty good pretender, so I've been hiding under the covers (literally and figuratively) and living life as though I feel grand.  Today I was having a happy visit with a dear friend, and I'm not sure how it happened, but I had a complete melt down.  I cried about so many things. Said friend, being the beautiful person she is, talked me through it and calmed me down. I wish I had the words to explain how debilitating depression is.  But I don't, so I won't try.

I know the evil depression lies within me.  I have months when I'm feeling normal, and stints when I'm feeling terrible.  Knowing how to deal with depression is half the battle.  Exercise and eating well are on the top of my "depression war" list.  Prayer especially, helps.

My prayers are usually sent internally.  I don't voice them, but I do pray.  Today, on my daily walk with Rudy, I prayed aloud. I walked, and I prayed, and I cried. It felt so good to voice my prayers and blessings.

I know I'll be okay. I have lots of  family support, and God to see me through.  Other people have a hundred other problems.  I don't mean to pull the "woe is me card and my life is so terrible" card, because it's really not.  I have the BEST life.

My intention for writing this is to reach out to someone else who might be struggling with depression.
 It's time to get real and be honest.  Because it stinks.  It just plain stinks.


LutherLiz said...

It is hard to see the forest in the trees when depression rears its head. I'm glad you are talking about it and I hope things seem better soon!

Marie said...

Thanks, Liz. I couldn't have said it better; you hit the nail on the head.

I hope you are feeling better, too!

Mel said...

I'm just now reading this because, as I said in my last post (one million years ago), I, too, have been struggling these past couple of months. I finally feel like I am coming out of it. I hope you are, too. It's hard and it sucks and I don't wish it on anyone. Just taking it day by day - that's all we can do. HUGS.