If You Were Still Here

Dear Mom,

If you were still here, you'd have called me at 6:00 a.m. this morning, and told me to have a good day.  Later,  I would've called you in the middle of the afternoon, needing advice, and then, of course, I would've called you on my way home from work, just to hear your voice.

If you were still here, you would lock up more 'bad guys'. I watched "Cops" last night, and cried through the entire show because it reminded me of you.   For such a small woman, you sure did intimidate some hard asses.

If you were still here, you and I would be in the kitchen together cooking and tipping back a few Keystones.

If you were still here, Rudy would be outside playing with Bubba and we'd be giggling at his antics. I can still see us lying in our lawn chairs, soaking up the sun and talking about anything and everything.

If you were still here, your gentle manner and wisdom would calm me in a way that no other person can.

If you were still here, I would have enjoyed your garden vegetables. You sort of had your own farmer's market.

If you were still here, you'd be freezing in this weather.  You always loved the sunshine and warm weather.  Me too.

If you were still here, you would snuggle up with Murray and teach him all about the world. He saw me crying this morning and burst into "Twinkle Twinkle".  He also knows the words to "You Are My Sunshine" - you would've loved that.  I'll never forget when you sang to me. I loved it (even though you were never able to carry a tune in a bucket).

If you were still here, you would say, "Stop feeling sorry for yourself.  Look around and find something, anything, to be happy about. 

And Mom?  One more thing:  If you were still here, I wouldn't miss you so damn much.

Be at peace, Mom.  You're with me in spirit.