I'm feeling rather uninspired today; I think it must be the weather. I know we've all had enough of this, and it's very apparent. Even driving through town, I notice an all around gloom. Looking at the bright side, maybe spring will come early. I can almost smell the tropical air; we leave for vacation on February 22nd (if the plane doesn't freeze up like it did the last two years). I just cannot wait.
I had my first session yesterday with my new therapist, Dr. H. I was very unhappy with the LSW who I had been with previously, so I asked Dr. B (my psychiatrist) if she could make some other arrangements for me. I am thrilled to report that this man is excellent, and I immediately comfortable speaking with him. He made me feel so human, so normal; I know he can help me to be well again (mentally). The panic attacks are still occurring frequently, and frankly, it really affects the way I live. The anxiety directly affects depression, so until I get this taken care of, it's rather difficult to move forward. I feel like I'm on my way though, and am so much better now than I was when I began this journey.
Congrats to Wade and Kristine, (see the link to Our Adoption Journey) who finally have their beautiful daughter in their loving and long-awaiting arms. Her name is Mariana, and she is absolutely gorgeous. I wept when I saw the pictures. I just couldn't be happier for them.
Weekend Update
What an eventful weekend. On Friday, we went to the Fargo Force game. We had a suite (thanks, Olson's)! We had a wonderful time (even though the Gopher's lost on TV). I am becoming a big fan of the Force, but have a lot to learn about hockey!
On Saturday morning, Murray and I, my sister, her friend (and mine) and her four-year-old daughter (the one with the life size Barbie), drove to Grand Forks to see some of my mom's friends. Four year old "S" kept us in hysterics as usual. I swear this child is going to be a famous comedienne. Cheryl & John were the best hosts as usual. We ate (and ate and ate), visited over cocktails, and laughed (and laughed and laughed). It was so much fun to see everyone again. Unbelievably, the weather and roads were perfect much to my relief.
On Monday morning, I woke up with a terrible stomach bug, and spent the day between my bed and the bathroom. I am still not up to par, but better. I'm quite dehydrated, but am trying to push fluids.
This afternoon I will be busy putting the house back together after being sick - I haven't even unpacked from our trip. I don't know what is wrong with my immune system lately, but I seem to be catching everything. I better order some Ningxia, because that seems to be the only thing that helps.
Stay warm. This too, shall pass.
On Saturday morning, Murray and I, my sister, her friend (and mine) and her four-year-old daughter (the one with the life size Barbie), drove to Grand Forks to see some of my mom's friends. Four year old "S" kept us in hysterics as usual. I swear this child is going to be a famous comedienne. Cheryl & John were the best hosts as usual. We ate (and ate and ate), visited over cocktails, and laughed (and laughed and laughed). It was so much fun to see everyone again. Unbelievably, the weather and roads were perfect much to my relief.
On Monday morning, I woke up with a terrible stomach bug, and spent the day between my bed and the bathroom. I am still not up to par, but better. I'm quite dehydrated, but am trying to push fluids.
This afternoon I will be busy putting the house back together after being sick - I haven't even unpacked from our trip. I don't know what is wrong with my immune system lately, but I seem to be catching everything. I better order some Ningxia, because that seems to be the only thing that helps.
Stay warm. This too, shall pass.
Changes, Additions
Our morning routine is usually as follows:
6:30-7:00am - Murray is up; one of us is giving him breakfast, the other showering.
6:45 - Both dogs need to go outside.
6:47- Cat is racing toward the stairs, begging to be fed.
6:49 -Cat is fed, laundry is in.
7:00- Craig and I switch spots so the other can shower.
7:15 - Dogs back in.
7:30 - Craig feeds dogs while Murray is STILL eating because after a whole banana, 2 eggs, toast and milk, he's still hungry.
7:45 - Murray is hopefully done eating so Craig can dress him while I finish getting ready for work.
7:50 - Murray is dressed, Craig leaves for work; I'm trying to find my shoes.
8:00 - I'm finally ready, but Murray is unhappy that dad is gone, so it takes several minutes to soothe him.
8:05 - I'm starting to sweat because the dogs have been fed, but still need water; I'm trying to throw something in my bag semi-healthy for lunch, all while finishing the breakfast dishes.
8:10 - Murray is in his full winter gear, but a strong odor is wafting from his behind.
8:20 - I've changed and dressed him again, and it seems as though we're finally ready to go. Wait! I need my coat, shoes, cell phone, purse and keys. Can't find keys.
8:30 - Find keys, off to daycare. Struggle to get Murray undressed in warm car, buckled in, and we're on our way.
8:35 - Get Murray dressed again in warm car, run into daycare, fill out his slip, kiss him goodbye, and sigh, I'm finally off to work.
The funny thing is, when we were expecting Murray; we heard the usual "parenting will change your life". Change? I think not. Up heave? A bit more appropriate. For example, this morning, Craig went to the grocery store at 7:15 for diapers, paper towels, and toilet paper. We laughed about it because we never imagined taking a trip to Hornbacher's at that hour.
I wouldn't change any of it for the world, but yet, can't imagine what will happen when we add to our family. I know we'll adapt - this is the best kind of chaos I could imagine.
Because of this crazy routine, Craig has offered to do drop-off twice a week. Today was the first day. I fed and dressed Murray while Craig showered, and when he returned from the grocery store, he packed up Murray and off they went. I was amazed at what a huge difference this made in my morning. First, I finished cleaning up from breakfast. Then, I vacuumed and picked up a bit. Finally, I took a leisurely shower, took my time applying make up, dressing, etc. My hair was even still semi-styled when I arrived at work. Usually, it's a frazzled mess by the time I'm finished shuffling everything around, despite my efforts to primp before leaving home. I even had time to stop at the dry cleaners.
My point is, I'm living in the moment, and loving every second. []
6:30-7:00am - Murray is up; one of us is giving him breakfast, the other showering.
6:45 - Both dogs need to go outside.
6:47- Cat is racing toward the stairs, begging to be fed.
6:49 -Cat is fed, laundry is in.
7:00- Craig and I switch spots so the other can shower.
7:15 - Dogs back in.
7:30 - Craig feeds dogs while Murray is STILL eating because after a whole banana, 2 eggs, toast and milk, he's still hungry.
7:45 - Murray is hopefully done eating so Craig can dress him while I finish getting ready for work.
7:50 - Murray is dressed, Craig leaves for work; I'm trying to find my shoes.
8:00 - I'm finally ready, but Murray is unhappy that dad is gone, so it takes several minutes to soothe him.
8:05 - I'm starting to sweat because the dogs have been fed, but still need water; I'm trying to throw something in my bag semi-healthy for lunch, all while finishing the breakfast dishes.
8:10 - Murray is in his full winter gear, but a strong odor is wafting from his behind.
8:20 - I've changed and dressed him again, and it seems as though we're finally ready to go. Wait! I need my coat, shoes, cell phone, purse and keys. Can't find keys.
8:30 - Find keys, off to daycare. Struggle to get Murray undressed in warm car, buckled in, and we're on our way.
8:35 - Get Murray dressed again in warm car, run into daycare, fill out his slip, kiss him goodbye, and sigh, I'm finally off to work.
The funny thing is, when we were expecting Murray; we heard the usual "parenting will change your life". Change? I think not. Up heave? A bit more appropriate. For example, this morning, Craig went to the grocery store at 7:15 for diapers, paper towels, and toilet paper. We laughed about it because we never imagined taking a trip to Hornbacher's at that hour.
I wouldn't change any of it for the world, but yet, can't imagine what will happen when we add to our family. I know we'll adapt - this is the best kind of chaos I could imagine.
Because of this crazy routine, Craig has offered to do drop-off twice a week. Today was the first day. I fed and dressed Murray while Craig showered, and when he returned from the grocery store, he packed up Murray and off they went. I was amazed at what a huge difference this made in my morning. First, I finished cleaning up from breakfast. Then, I vacuumed and picked up a bit. Finally, I took a leisurely shower, took my time applying make up, dressing, etc. My hair was even still semi-styled when I arrived at work. Usually, it's a frazzled mess by the time I'm finished shuffling everything around, despite my efforts to primp before leaving home. I even had time to stop at the dry cleaners.
My point is, I'm living in the moment, and loving every second. []
Here We Go Again
Back to reality today, and I have to admit it feels good. Not that I didn't love the extra time off, but it's always a relief to get back into routine. I have vacation to look forward to, and work is crazy busy right now. My short 5 hours fly by, and then I can pick up Murray.
Not much new to share. I'm in the process of "intending" to sort through Murray's toys and give those that's he's outgrown or doesn't use to charity. I just need to find the time and energy. I'm thinking that if I don't get to it soon, we'll be able to set up a satellite FAO Schwartz. We are very spoiled and blessed.
One last comment: It's way too early for this weather. I truly hate to complain, but really, this is getting ridiculous. We actually even purchased a used snow blower. Craig is so happy; he said it has a lot of power, but is so easy to use that even I can handle it. Happy day (sigh here). At least I'll be able to get us out of the snow when he's out of town.
Try to stay warm and above ground (meaning the snow).
Not much new to share. I'm in the process of "intending" to sort through Murray's toys and give those that's he's outgrown or doesn't use to charity. I just need to find the time and energy. I'm thinking that if I don't get to it soon, we'll be able to set up a satellite FAO Schwartz. We are very spoiled and blessed.
One last comment: It's way too early for this weather. I truly hate to complain, but really, this is getting ridiculous. We actually even purchased a used snow blower. Craig is so happy; he said it has a lot of power, but is so easy to use that even I can handle it. Happy day (sigh here). At least I'll be able to get us out of the snow when he's out of town.
Try to stay warm and above ground (meaning the snow).
Let It Snow (Not Really)
It was my turn to sleep in today, so I slept on and off until about 10:30am. The problem with a small house is that it's noisy, especially with Murray banging on the piano at 7:30am. It was still nice, and when I woke up, I went to Barnes and Noble with a friend. I absolutely love that store and tend to spend too much money. My best purchase today was a Bible for Murray. I found the edition that I had as a child, and I'm looking forward to reading it; to him and me.
Tonight we are going to relax, watch football, and when it finally stops snowing, we'll try out our new-used snowblower. I'm very excited for this, as it's small enough for me to use, but big enough to do the job, and it has an electric start. For crying out loud, have we not had enough snow yet?
God bless you on these last moments of vacation.
Tonight we are going to relax, watch football, and when it finally stops snowing, we'll try out our new-used snowblower. I'm very excited for this, as it's small enough for me to use, but big enough to do the job, and it has an electric start. For crying out loud, have we not had enough snow yet?
God bless you on these last moments of vacation.
Goodbye, 2008; Welcome 2009
Happy New Year! I hope that everyone had a wonderful New Year's eve. We spent the evening at Craig's sister's house, and we had a great time. They are always so welcoming and hospitable. We did some ice fishing today (I only lasted about 45 minutes), relaxed, visited, and all around enjoyed ourselves. I do feel a bit bad, though, because Murray woke everyone up, including the dogs, around 3:00am. We couldn't get him to calm down, so I slept with him in a big cushy chair in the living room so that everyone else could get some rest. Of course he woke everyone up again at 7:30am, but we made it through the night. We're all exhausted; hence, Murray is in bed early, nary a complaint (and so is Craig, I might add).
2008 was filled with joy, sadness, wonderful memories, and much grief. I'm struggling to find the connection between life and death; considering how much has happened in the last 18 months. I am amazed by God's work, and though I will probably never understand the "whys" or the "how's", I have this faith that I cannot find the words to describe. For example, with the passing of blogger-friend Emilie, I find myself grieving more than I thought possible for someone that I haven't met in person. If it wasn't for Emilie, I wouldn't have found such a special friend, Roxane (who has a most amazing and touching tribute to Emilie on her blog), and I wouldn't have learned quite so much about myself. In the same respect, close friends of ours will leave in January to adopt their baby, and several other friends have given birth to beautiful, healthy babies. How can so many miracles be mixed with such tragedy? I dream every single night since my mom passed, that she keeps coming back from Heaven, that God sent her, but she's still sick and will leave us once again. I realize that this may come across as morbid, or as though I'm feeling sorry for myself, but I certainly don't want to leave that impression. For now, I'm just thinking. . .and praying.
If this post sounds ridiculous, I apologize. It's just my way of trying to wrap my head and my heart around everything. God bless, and happy 2009! I wish you all a healthy, happy year.
2008 was filled with joy, sadness, wonderful memories, and much grief. I'm struggling to find the connection between life and death; considering how much has happened in the last 18 months. I am amazed by God's work, and though I will probably never understand the "whys" or the "how's", I have this faith that I cannot find the words to describe. For example, with the passing of blogger-friend Emilie, I find myself grieving more than I thought possible for someone that I haven't met in person. If it wasn't for Emilie, I wouldn't have found such a special friend, Roxane (who has a most amazing and touching tribute to Emilie on her blog), and I wouldn't have learned quite so much about myself. In the same respect, close friends of ours will leave in January to adopt their baby, and several other friends have given birth to beautiful, healthy babies. How can so many miracles be mixed with such tragedy? I dream every single night since my mom passed, that she keeps coming back from Heaven, that God sent her, but she's still sick and will leave us once again. I realize that this may come across as morbid, or as though I'm feeling sorry for myself, but I certainly don't want to leave that impression. For now, I'm just thinking. . .and praying.
If this post sounds ridiculous, I apologize. It's just my way of trying to wrap my head and my heart around everything. God bless, and happy 2009! I wish you all a healthy, happy year.
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